User Profile

Olympus Mons

Oakland, CA
cannabis consultant
Buffalo, NY
I can't live without:
...all I need is the air that I breathe and to love you.
I'm an expert at:
Third-Stage fold-space interstellar navigation and tricorder repair.
My fantasy hobby is:
Drew Barrymore, when she was 18.
I go weak in the knees for:
Drew Barrymore, when she was 18.
My most prized possession is:
Leave me alone, I don't own anything.
Lately I've been recommending:
A trip to Mars. If the engines hold out we won't need to bring lighters.
I really need to cut back on:
moderation. (Of course, this is the only acceptable answer.)
Me described in one word:
Eye...aye...I mean "I."
Member since:
Aug 2012
Dispensary Reviews:
Medicine Reviews:
Forum Posts:

Dispensary & Marijuana Reviews

  • Reviewed 7/7/13

Sour Diesel Oil

Fine & Dandy

Every bit as good as similar oils going for twice the price. Very dark, though ... kinda strange because it vapes quite smooth. Great price. If you can figure out how to mask the taste, this would be a good choice for making your own edibles.

Last edited by Olympus Mons on 7/7/13 at 11:50 AM Pacific

Sherbet Oil

Bottled Bliss

Potent, thick, well filtered, fresh, and great price. Best of both worlds, medicinal and mental relief. If you are new to oils there is a bit of a learning curve, just research how to vaporize and oils like this are potent, cheap and convenient.

  • Reviewed 4/18/13

Afgoo Oil

Refinery With The Right Stuff

Had the pleasure of trying this and a few other bottled oils from BPG, and am happy to say they are consistently of high quality and potency: thick, with consistent viscosity (no lumps or dregs), and of course colors and tastes vary, but I've never gotten any of that runny, globby-goopy, black gunk made with a 30-year-old Iso-2 machine and double-proof Mr. Boston vodka, or whatever the hacks use these days. Here's a tip for getting every drop out of those little bottles: Run it under hot tap water (make sure the cap is tight) for 30 seconds, then tear off a little piece of rolling paper and swish it around in the bottle with a toothpick or small screwdriver, then roll the oiled paper in a joint or spice up your pipe dope. I was amazed how much 2 of my old "empty" bottles yielded. More of these $15 - $25 bottled oils, BPG! Keep the quality up and I'll keep re-upping with ya.

  • Reviewed 12/27/12

Ken's GDP

Ken's Gotta Damn Problem

Maybe it was the run, harvested too soon, or an exhausted batch of clones or something, but this gram was sadly lacking in taste and potency. Not much to say about it because there simply wasn't much to it. Taste wise, she was terribly lacking in purple notes ... pretty much tone deaf, lacking any notes at all.

Get the GDP x OG outdoor 1/8 for $35, it's cheaper, tastier, and more potent. Glad I only got a gram. Probably only give one star but BPG is usually a reliable source. Hate to dis Ken, perhaps not his fault, but I'd have to say Skip It for this strain batch.

Last edited by Olympus Mons on 12/26/12 at 10:56 PM Pacific

Sun Grown GDP x OG

Head & Shoulders

Extremely satisfying for a $35 OD 1/8, very good taste, hits hard and fast but not too long-lasting, much like Train Wreck. The GDP crossed with an OG cut, whatever one it is, is a smart union. Tastes purple and hazy and grape-like and spicy all at once. A joint took a good chunk out of my neck and shoulder muscle pain and left my head in a very good place.

A little heavy on the lungs because it's an OD, but is in my opinion better than their more expensive Ken's GDP, which thankfully I only got a gram of, to compare these two. The Ken's is smoother but certainly less tasty and potent -- funny, I was prepared to pay a little more next time if this similar indoor version happened to be better. Buyer beware: Price does not always equal quality. The 1/8's for less than $25 or $30 are usually too leafy and schwaggy to be of much use, but sometimes you need not pay $60 for an 1/8 of indoor babied buds when some good old Nature's Own grown in Cali sunshine for half the price will do. Maybe it's the hybrid pairing of GDP and OG that makes this so good. Could be five bucks cheaper but so could everything so what the hell, four stars cuz that's how high I am.

Last edited by Olympus Mons on 12/26/12 at 10:37 PM Pacific

  • Reviewed 10/24/12

Clean Green Pure Kush

Pure Kush - Pure Fun

This is an old favorite of mine, similar to a strain I used to grow. The taste is very unique and hard to pin down, not too sweet or too sour, probably "hashy" is the best way to describe it. But smooth, easy on the lungs. The high just never fails to do the trick for me: solid, full-bodied, long-lasting. Many people report sleepy narcotic effects, but for me and my insomnia, only mega doses of concentrates can get me close to REM sleep, though it can knock me out if I smoke more than half a joint. As always, the the cure and freshness are excellent. C.R.A.F.T. is consistently doing everything right, and I can't wait to try some of the new concentrates on the menu. They have some kind of lemon haze wax or something that is making me drool. Good stuff!

Last edited by Olympus Mons on 10/24/12 at 8:52 AM Pacific

  • Reviewed 10/23/12

Clean Green Cherry Pie Kush

Cherry Pie: That's Amore!

"When your head hits the sky
from this new Cherry Pie, that's amore!"

It is indeed. The folks at C.R.A.F.T. have done it again with another class act. The service was stellar as always. They were a bit late due to traffic but called -- BEFORE -- the time they were supposed to arrive and said they'd be a little late. Here in the Bay Area, deducting points because of traffic would be excessively punitive. The delivery guy was like the rest of the people I've dealt with at C.R.A.F.T. -- professional, cool, VERY knowledgeable. I'm from New York, you see, and all this takes some getting used to. Back home, the proper reply to someone who asks, "Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?" is "Go fuck yourself." But you Californians do things a bit differently out here. Hmm ... by George I think I fucking like it!

C.R.A.F.T. sees you as a person and not just a dollar sign. I'm very particular about the people I buy pot from, it's a very personal, almost spiritual thing and when done right, a FUN experience too. And if it ain't, I never buy from them again. Okay, back to the bud.

My single little gram was fat and sugary, like a sugar cube left in a car on a hot day. Seconds after popping open the plastic lid, the entire living room reeked in a very good way. Great texture, like crystals woven into tight fabric. Looks almost too good to smoke.

But no bud is THAT good, so after inspection under strong light, I cut into the big little bugger and rolled a joint, noticing how it still glistened and scintillated in the faint light of a Star Trek rerun. Very nice.

Here's the best way to get the full flavor: Take a hit, then take a sip of lemonade or iced tea with lemon, or some citrus-acidic drink, then take another hit and wait. In a moment you'll swear you just had a mouthful of cherry pie. The sensation is amazing. Not just cherries, I'm talking PIE, the actual taste cherries get when made into filling, with a hint of cinnamon, even! Mamma Mia!

You get purple and grape notes from the GDP and the unmistakable exotic perfume from the Durban, and as is true with most hybrids, the whole is more than the sum of its parts, for this genetic commingling produces the cherry pie taste on top of that. DNA, you never cease to amaze me.

Now, one of C.R.A.F.T.'s rocket-motor lolly pops was already boosting me into geosynchronous orbit, but even so, just a few hits of this and I was riding the Altair Express, like flipping on the boosters. Just amazing. This morning, as a first high of the day, I can only think that if I am ever hit in the face with a pie, I hope it is C.R.A.F.T.'s cherry.

Last edited by Olympus Mons on 10/23/12 at 7:59 AM Pacific

  • Reviewed 9/9/12

Sun Grown Mendo Magic

Good Bud, Great Price

If I could afford top-shelf all the time, hey now. But I need to always be on the look-out for some budget buds, and so far BPG has the best selection, prices and quality. Not sure what strain this Mendo Magic is, some hybridized, big bud South American Sativa, but it's not bad. Almost gold colored, mild spicey and earthy taste, reminiscent of good old-fashioned Colombian. Smoked half a joint and was a bit apprehensive, then I sat down and a half minute later, yeah, okay, very nice satisfying buzz. It may be 3-star bud, but the deal is 5-star, as is the service from BPG. The Grapefruit they had a while back was just a bit better for the same price. Keep up the good work with these budget buds, BPG! I'l do my part to promote sun-grown over indoor and bust the myth that outdoor pot is in any way substandard to indoor. Two things pot and I have in common: We both love California, and we both love the sun.

  • Reviewed 9/5/12

Dispensary Review:

Berkeley Patients Group

The Right Stuff

Registration was quick via web site. Confirmation call was quick. Delivery guy was both professional (he didn't call me "dude") and cool (passed along a very relaxed vibe). Guy was right on time. Products were very good, good selection and range of prices. All this isn't that hard, I don't know why so many get it so wrong. BPG did everything right, and did it well, simply a solid 5-star delivery service. Finally!

What I really want to comment on is the Grapefruit Kush. It no longer appears on the menu, I think I bought the last sack. This 1/8 was only $25, super grapefruit taste, very sweet little buds, super potent, perhaps the best cheap-o eighth I ever bought. I hope they get this again, it is truly a stellar bargain.

Last edited by Olympus Mons on 9/5/12 at 8:34 AM Pacific


Sun Grown Strawberry Diesel

Gotta Work At It

Once I cleaned out the stems and leaf, about 11 grams of bud remained. A little too dry and musty smelling in the bag, not much of a cure to speak of, popcorn size buds and smaller. Does not look anything like the god damn picture here on STICKYGuide -- but, hey what the hell, the strawberry taste is definitely there in the half-joint I just smoked. Decent buzz ... yeah, I'm smiling, at least on one side of my face.

Let's vaporize a fat bowl ... savor the sweet first few hits, then chuck the bitter hits and dregs ... hmmm, not too shabby after all. This will be a nice morning high, or I'll use these buds as a base for some top-shelf concentrates.

Just make sure you clean this pot out like old-fashioned commercial (you kids here in California call that "schwag"? -- is that correct? -- I'm still new in town), cuz like the title says, you gotta work at the buds a little and throw away some stems and crappy shake, but not much. There are some decent nuggets hidden in the rough. Don't expect the earth to move but you sure as hell can't beat the price. Strawberry taste is surprisingly present, though not too strong or sweet. I'm so friggin' THC saturated nothing gets me high any more anyway so I might as well buy bargain buds for a while and get rid of some of this tolerance, huh? Awww, fuck it, I'll just get some Girl Scout Cookies tomorrow and smoke an 1/8 ... just for the taste, you see.

Last edited by Olympus Mons on 9/4/12 at 5:59 PM Pacific

  • Reviewed 8/27/12

Sour Diesel ORGANIC Kief

Great Deal, Great Taste

Haven't been a big consumer of Kief in the past, but the great price coupled with the bud tender's tip that this was a nice tasty batch have convinced me to be more of a fan. The true Sour D taste is there and more, concentrated and surprisingly kind in the lungs. Many of the more gummy hashes simply rip my lungs apart, but this Kief from CRAFT is a great way to spice up any joint or bowl. Be good mixed with the more fruit-punchy Kush varieties, and more than just flavor, it adds a bright zing to the high, like a sweet greeting at the door. Excellent price, potent and tasty, great all around product.

  • Reviewed 8/26/12

Diamond OG Kush (BIO)

Thank You, Instant Relief

Words can barely convey how happy I am with this strain from CRAFT Collective. This somewhat musky but very smooth smoke cut right through my high tolerance with three hits, and within 5 or 6 MY PAIN WAS -- IS -- GONE!

Wife and I spent the entire day floating around SF yesterday, walking hills and miles, and finally winding up in a great little Mexican restaurant/bar on Polk St. with good pitchers of Margaritas for ten bucks -- we had two. I'd been smoking Purple Trainwreck all day so I felt no pain. But when I woke up, oh dman damn damn, I drank and walked too friggin' much.

Should have medicated with this strain earlier in the day. I feel GREAT, most happily stoned but not sedated at all, and I can't seem to find a bothersome muscle ache if I try. My stomach feels nice, warm, at ease, appetite coming on now after 20 minutes or so.

Wow, this is strange, it really keeps getting better and better. I'm finishing up a very thin joint in a Zig-Zag Slow Burning, the taste is somewhat haunting and deceptive, because it is so mellow, but Hell's Bells! Is it strong in the potency factor!

Last edited by Olympus Mons on 8/26/12 at 3:42 PM Pacific


Purple Trainwreck

Oscillating Amusement-Park Ride

Fresh out of the cure from CRAFT Collective. This absolutely delightful Indica/Sativa has definite stages:

STAGE ONE: The Train-Wreck Stage, this is first to smash you in the head -- immediately -- the almost instantaneous stoning of the senses, that is the hallmark of good Train-Wreck.

STAGE TWO: Then something seems to flip, the Grand Dad Purp characteristics kick in. This smoke is smooth and kind to my spent old lungs. The purple part of this peculiar strain begins to shine through in a smooth and silky way. Major munchies.

The high then begins to oscillate, it jiggles, you giggle, it's really a lot of fun without being knocked out or couch-locked but very, very, amusement-park-style stoned. Disneyworld might even seem like not a piece of shit while stoned on this strain. You could just laugh at Mickey for being an asshole instead of hating him, run around Disneyworld shouting, "Bugs Bunny is Great! Mickey can gargle Bugs Bunny's balls!" and the Disney Cops arrest you, and you are never heard from again. Like Tom Green.

The cure on these buds from CRAFT Collective has consistently been excellent. They smoke smooth, and my lungs have had it so I need potent, easy-on-the-lungs strains. But THERE IS A LOT IN THE CURE that goes toward making a smooth smoke, even out of a lung-expanding, chocking variety. A great cure can never hurt. These buds from CRAFT always have a great cure, have always had the perfect balance of whatever slow magic happens under the optimal cure conditions. I am not an expert in these areas and I trust CRAFT is, as their products consistently smoke and taste superb. Someone at the helm has a discriminating pallet for choosing the best varieties of medicinal cannabis. Five-star!

STAGE HUH? WHAT'S THE COUNT?: This strain is then funky and upbeat for me, and quite possibly now in my favorite Top Ten.

I was only going to rate even providers with the best prices with a 4, as a consumer protest to high prices, but after further thought this is a pretty dumb idea ... punishing the providers for what is clearly the U.S. government's fault. Please Note: Until Cannabis is LEGAL, like alcohol or tobacco, the highest rating I would have given ANY vendor in the price category is a 4. But, to a point, the high price is not the provider's fault, it is our government's fault. Pot is EXPENSIVE! It is too expensive for all of us, too expensive for farmers to grow, for providers to provide, and for all of us to smoke. Too damn expensive. But so is friggin' food and rent, and I don't wanna rant.

Finally: Cigarettes suck and I'm trying to quit, had two packs in the past two weeks which is damn good for me, so I must finally mention that Purple Train-Wreck from CRAFT Collective is helping curb my cravings, and lives up to its hybrid cross of strains. I like a mind-set like Salvador Dali, I could smoke this strain all the time. Makes me feel normal. And normal is good for me, now that I am old and tired. Normal, for me, is Escher and Dali and Pink Floyd.

Last edited by Olympus Mons on 8/26/12 at 2:29 PM Pacific

  • Reviewed 8/21/12

What You Expect From McDonald's

The freckled girl who checked me in gets a star for friendliness and speed; the buds were good -- very good -- and they get another star. The rest of the experience was shit so they only get two stars.

Said they take Visa. Show up there and all they take are Visa debit cards. Said they give 3 free pre-rolls for first-timers. Budtender says, "No, that's just for our new delivery service." Any freebies for first-timers? I ask. He says, I swear, "No, I know it's lame, but what'r ya gonna do..." Tell ya what I'm NOT gonna do. I'm never coming back to this fucking bait-n-switch shithole. At least the Tahoe and Sweet Tooth were decent, but because I only had a little cash and was expecting to use a credit card, I could only buy a gram of each. Feels like I was forced into buying something more expensive. Should have walked out when he said the freebies were for delivery only. Harborside blows. EVERYBODY gives at least a joint or something for first timers, it's pretty much an industry standard. It's what gets folks in the door and good bud and prices and service are what keep them coming back. Because of all this I see no reason to return. I fucking hate McDonald's anyway.

  • Reviewed 8/11/12

Dispensary Review:

Oakland Organics

That's More Like It

Much improvement lately, or perhaps I just had a poor first couple times here. Bud tenders seem nicer and less like salesmen trying to unload their stale old crap. Quite a good menu selection and price range, and now that the harvests are coming in, some interesting cheap-o outdoor strains. Expect mislabeled Sativas and Indicas and hybrids on the whiteboard, and budtenders who often don't know the genetics of the strains they carry, but very knowledgeable budtenders seem to always be in short supply. Prices are a bit high, but bring in a receipt on Sundays and get 10% off for a more competitive price.

Keep up the good work and I'll give ya five stars. They probably deserve it just for being one of the few brick-&-mortar providers left in the Bay. The Feds recently chased them around the corner to a new location, so they probably had to move to defeat a search warrant. Bravo!

Last edited by Olympus Mons on 10/30/12 at 2:48 PM Pacific

  • Reviewed 8/11/12

Purple Kandy

Perfectly Named Purple Pot

With my inventory entirely depleted, I had to run over to Purple Heart the other day to get an 1/8th of this jazzy-looking Purple Kandy before placing a bigger order with a different vendor.

Located in a very industrial-looking part of town, it is nevertheless a safe area, trust me, I live Downtown. (In fact, as a side note, Oakland is one of the most "walkable" cities in the world. Wander through China Town, Jack London, Lake Merritt, it's all cool and safe and enjoyable. I have lived in a lot of US cities, and Oakland is so far my favorite to wander around while buzzed!)

First-time check-in was fast, cool door man, totally blank and emotionless bud tender, cramped and rushed atmosphere. Too bad, because the sack of purps I brought home was sweeeeet! Popcorn size buds, sack looked big, must have been 4 grams at least, with a taste all it's own that can only simply be described as "purple candy." The high is heavy hitting, a bit more than 4 star, so I give it a 5 for deliciousness.

Last edited by Olympus Mons on 8/13/12 at 6:31 AM Pacific

  • Reviewed 8/11/12

Dispensary Review:

C.R.A.F.T. Cannabis Delivery

Righteous in their CRAFT

After circling the sun 50 times and amassing 35 years of experience in all aspects of cannabis, it is with great sincerity and gratitude I give CRAFT a 5-start rating for outstanding service, product, price, speed of delivery, and friendly and knowledgeable staff.

To join up, I first sent them an e-mail with as much info as I could, as this usually helps speed up the registration process and makes it easier on you and your provider alike. First-timers like me must also sign and initial a few boiler-plates, standard join-up stuff, no problem. I spoke to a wonderful and friendly woman a few times by phone who answered all my questions. There was a slight mix-up about the price of honey oil, but this was inconsequential, a minor human oops!, no biggie.

At about T+ an hour and a quarter into my mission, I was meeting in my apartment with hands-down one of the nicest bud tenders I've ever met. Neither the girl on the phone nor this guy made me feel rushed. In fact, I enjoyed talking with them so much I was afraid I was keeping them from their jobs, but "no worries" was the vibe that always bounced back. You'll also love the freebies for first timers. I won't tell you what they are. I sure was pleasantly surprised!

Not mentioning names, but I've been to a number of walk-in dispensaries in Oakland and SF, and tell me if the following hasn't happened to you: The person you meet at the door, who checks you in, is the friendliest soul on Earth ... then you get to the bud tenders and they are all assholes. Don't buy medicine from assholes.

The people at CRAFT are professional and cool, and care about patients. Usually that's a load of crap, but here it is not. I can feel it. Or is that the medicine kicking in? ... I'm pretty much a walking-disaster without cannabis, to list the number of aliments it treats would only sicken you and I more, so let's just say the products from CRAFT, which I am about to rate and review, are already treating me to some exuberant stratospheric sailing on amber waves of honey oil -- err, grain. Same thing, ain't it?

You gotta give CRAFT a try.

Last edited by Olympus Mons on 8/10/12 at 6:16 PM Pacific


Skywalker OG (BIO)

Help Me Obi Wan Kanobi You're My Only Hope

"When you die, you will say Hello to God, and when God says Hello back, THIS is what you will smell on His breath."
-- Arthur, from the Larry Sanders Show, speaking about a bottle of single-malt scotch.

In addition to single-malt scotch and sweet sedition, you will also smell Skywalker OG on the breath of God. The taste and smell are so good, I wonder where in my genetic code I have the ability to taste and enjoy such a thing -- must be a mutation. The ways in which great strains can taste like other things and also like things uniquely themselves never ceases to amaze and delight me, and Skywalker OG tastes and smells quite simply like everything good. The high could last a little longer but so could life, eh?

The buds are very rugged looking, like the chaotic terrain of the moon, with a very good cure and tight trim, seem a little light and fluffy, might be hard to get a good yield out of this which may ad a bit to the price. Although it isn't the ultimate in potency, it's stratospheric, and the taste and quality of the high can boost any payload well beyond low-earth-orbit. Meet ya there.

Last edited by Olympus Mons on 8/11/12 at 11:07 AM Pacific

High THC Cannabis Extract

Lubes Up a Sticky Warp Engine

Way back in the late '70s there were a group of oil producers in Toronto who knew how to refine it right. The oil (the product with the higher CBD content) from CRAFT is just as excellent in every way, the only difference is it is a bit darker in color and richer in taste, not bad things at all.

Anything short of 99% THC need not be clear or white to be good. In fact, extracts with 70% THC seems to be about the limit for a good full-spectrum high. The so-called "impurities" I do believe actually ad to the quality and type of high. I don't want pure THC/CBD chemicals. If I did I'd be smoking that JWH crap. The natural aspect of cannabis is partly what turns me on.

That's why the packaging, while excellent and professional, makes me feel a bit like a heroine addict booting up -- it comes in a syringe, well not really a syringe, I forget what they call them. Remember those things in science class we used to use as squirt guns that look like syringes? They work great for this oil, much better than jars. But it feels a little naughty squirting out a hit or two.

Actually quite smooth for an oil, the taste is like cinnamon and is quickly growing on me. Visions of '70s album covers dance in my head. Remember that great artwork on the Yes albums by Roger Dean? That's how this makes me feel. Use it by itself, as they recommend, vape at low temp, easy to do off glass with a lighter, no elaborate mechanism is needed. Or wipe some on a rolling paper and snuggle in some of your favorite bud.

Vibrant waves of energy are felt almost immediately. Should you decide to take a second hit, you are advised to set the controls for the heart of the sun beforehand. The dials and switches won't make much sense afterwards, but all the little jellybean lights sure look cool.

Yep, it's that good, and at $30 a gram, I hope they carry this product for a long time.

Last edited by Olympus Mons on 8/11/12 at 12:23 PM Pacific


Ogre Kush

Turns Me Into Shrek

First thing I have to mention is this strain's ability to blow my muscle and joint pain right into a black hole. This is strong medicine. The taste is fine, a little chemical-like on the inhale but what you expect with a THC rating of nearly 22%. 22%? WTF? Yeah, 22%! Bang! The Ogre hits you and hugs you and loves you and won't let go, long-lasting indeed. Buds have that look of perfect superior genetics that would be terribly racist and fascist to discuss were we talking about people and not plants. Good thing, because Ogre Kush must be a citizen of the Master Race. The taste is a little better a moment after the exhale, I now find ... wonderful 5-star buds all around, from strain to cure.



This Train Carries Some Inertia

Last two times I fueled with Sour D from other vendors, they seemed a bit lacking in taste and quite a bit in potency. The expertly-rolled Sour D big fat joint from CRAFT (a freebie gift for first-timers) put the "sour" and "train fuel" back in this strain indeed. It had that spicy-sweet zing! on the exhale, and the potency was THERE. This strain is not up there on Olympus Mons with the Gods of Potency, but don't let the 4-star rating fool you -- it is 5-star pot. I didn't see the buds because it's a pre-roll, but the photo looks just as sour-sponge-a-licious as it tastes. I bet this is good enough in fact to cut through the lingering tail-end of heavier strain sedation and usher in a new dawn.

My Sticky Type


Favorite Dispensaries